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I hate my constant need to explain things. Because I feel like shit… - I looked around, I stood alone, I knew what I had to say... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Tray Dawg

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[Apr. 10th, 2009|05:30 pm]
Tray Dawg
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I hate my constant need to explain things. Because I feel like shit when I don't get to speak my piece, and I feel like shit when I speak my piece and then it backfires. So I fucking lose either way and it's really quite a terrible feeling.

Or if I just say whatever's on my mind and I don't think about the context. I end up feeling really fucking good about it and then I look back a few hours/days/whatevers later and go, "Who SAYS that?" But it comes from bottling these things up for days/months/years and it gets to a point where I can't control it anymore.

It's a really horrible catch-22. There are some things that should just not be said. So I keep them inside. And then they are bottled up so long that they come out anyway.

I CANNOT FUCKING WIN.
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[User Picture]From: i_am_stoned
2009-04-11 11:25 pm (UTC)
"I end up feeling really fucking good about it and then I look back a few hours/days/whatevers later and go, "Who SAYS that?" But it comes from bottling these things up for days/months/years and it gets to a point where I can't control it anymore."

I so did that yesterday. Ugh. The person I said it to took it in a way that wasn't intended and the more I thought about it, the more I convinced myself that I never should have said it to begin with, because intended meaning or not, it was harsh. I have kind of been doing this a lot lately to said person and I feel awful :(
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