||[Apr. 10th, 2009|05:30 pm]
I hate my constant need to explain things. Because I feel like shit when I don't get to speak my piece, and I feel like shit when I speak my piece and then it backfires. So I fucking lose either way and it's really quite a terrible feeling.
Or if I just say whatever's on my mind and I don't think about the context. I end up feeling really fucking good about it and then I look back a few hours/days/whatevers later and go, "Who SAYS that?" But it comes from bottling these things up for days/months/years and it gets to a point where I can't control it anymore.
It's a really horrible catch-22. There are some things that should just not be said. So I keep them inside. And then they are bottled up so long that they come out anyway.
I CANNOT FUCKING WIN.